Monday, November 10, 2014

This morning I woke up itching to write and say "hello".
I am coming off a sabbatical of some sort. No, not a sabbatical more like a hissy fit, only I didn't realize at the time it was a fit.
A couple of months ago I was at a retreat and I'm sort of the odd duck in the group. I talk about blogs, Pinterest, retreats center dreams and how I want to make a difference in people's lives. After being asked several questions, what boiled down for me is how many people is enough? Will it ever be enough for me? I basically stopped blogging because A) I was creatively depressed, I'm a jack of all trades master of none, why? B) I didn't feel I was growing my blog perfectly or how I thought it should go and so I gave up. Until I was ready to try again, I was having a blogging hissy fit.
What amazes me is what comes out of your mouth when you try to explain or give examples. The example I gave is what gave me, my aha moment. When I was a kid I rode my bike up to the store and locked it up, but I put the lock on upside down. When I went to unlock it I struggled. Frustrated and figuring I was going to be in a heap of trouble I starting crying. After about a minute or so I reapplied myself to get that lock off. It did eventually and I rode home. What I realized was that I have done this same strategy all my life. When I get frustrated I quit, walk away, calm down and then I go back and plug away until its how I want it. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it opened my eyes and for that I am grateful.
Most of this year has been me thinking about my blog. I've been reading articles from Pinterest, magazines about blogging, looking at how to use a blogging calendars, whatever I could find. I have also realized how much of the year I've missed blogging our story.
No matter what our story matters. To me, my kids and our family, for future generations. Its not perfect but its ours.
Nope, we are no where near having the "dream" lifestyle and I have to accept that and make the most out of what I do have right here and now, because I know it was given to me to take care of. I let my gratitude over my life be overcome by thoughts of why can't I be like her and have what she has. That green eyed monster, that thief of joy.
I have to accept what is in front of me and to take advantage of every opportunity that will grow me. No, my blog may never be huge but it makes a difference and maybe that it's just for me to learn and grow or one day my kids might understand me more.