Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Goodbye/ Hello


Last night was Kim's memorial service. I didn't shed a tear.I'm not saying this as a brag it's that the priest that performed the service didn't know Kim and therefore didn't touch me.
I think what helped was that that morning I had helped with a collage of pictures of Kim. Lots of good memories popped up.
For the service I orderded a bouquet of 4 dozen gerber daisies in multicolors. That was Kims favorite flower and I couldn't give her a proper send off without them. I will have to take a picture of them. Pop asked if there was any arrangement there at the service that I wanted to take home and I asked for mine back. I hope to be able to press some of the flowers and perserve as many as possible. Pop liked that idea.
Yesterday was a beautiful day and myself and another of our friends Elena, felt good. Kim is in a better place, she doesn't hurt, she isn't disappointed, she is with family that she has missed deeply for years. For me, I know Kim is finally happy.
I have been remembering lots of shananigans that we got into and some of the stuff we have done together. I remember good times and bad. And even though there was a point I wanted to end the friendship something always held me back. She was the sister I didn't have, that dysfuntional sisterly love/hate we had for each other.
I will not saint Kim as I speak of her. We had good/bad times, and I would do a disjustice to both of us if I tried to make everything rosy.
I have learned more about myself and things that I want to get written down for my kids to know about me. I want more pictures taken with my kids and my hubby. I never want to hear that no one can find a picture of me with my family including my brother, mother and father.
The priest did say one thing that really made the whole service; It's not about the day you were born or the day you died, it's the dash in between those dates and what you did with it that matters.
This is a what matters most. the lives you touch and the people who love you.
***In other news, after almost one freaking year, I was cleaning up my suitcase and I found my bible!! I searched this suitcase 3x last year and didn't feel it. This is the bible that I just recently replaced with a hardcover version (which is going to Mikey). I am so excited because in there are bookmarks from my baptism, vbs,etc. SO Yay God! thank you for giving this back to me, It has weighed on my mind for the last year that," how could I lose my bible?"
So have a beautiful day. hug someone you love
Carrie


2 comments:

Julie said...

Carrie,

I'm so sorry. I can't believe how fast it happened. I will pray for you and your family, you definitely need some renewal.

ma said...

Hello Family,
Have to agree about the memorial service, there was no personalization, of course you have to know someone to be able to do that. At my age, I'm not old mind you, but you start thinking about things like that, and I do not want a generic service, I want the minister/pastor to know the good the bad and the ugly--thats ok because we all have sides to us. So, I'm going to get up and be more personal with people, to reach out, I want people to remember me for good or bad but hopefully good. I want to touch hearts, to not be afraid to tell someone that I love them(never had a problem with this one) but I have built walls around me the last few years, and I know its for protection, because of all the hurt that I have been dealt with-well no more. So wish me luck, first on the list is to rewrite a letter to two very special people that I miss.
We will miss our Kim, but I know she is in a better place.In the end Kim taught me a very important lesson-thank you

Love to all

Ma