Thursday, September 11, 2008

*Warning*- Heavy Subject

A couple of years ago I took a course called Potters Wheel. Potters Wheel is a five day intense therapy session for individuals or couples. It is life changing and very hard but so freeing too.

You know we think we have a handle on what is going on in our lives but through this course you find out about things that happened in your childhood that have shaped you into the person you are today and how to move past that childhood pain to become the person God meant for you to be. By the end of the five day course, You think, you laugh, and most especially you cry. On the last day amidst many tears the facilitator Patti asked me a question, "what is the one thing you fear about yourself?" My answer was my passion.

I feel as if I have all this passion built up inside that just wants to burst or spew out and I would lose all control to tame it down (make any sense?)

Most of my life I have let the devil on my shoulder tell me I'm not good enough or I can't do it. This has also led to some laziness on my part. It's easier to say I can't then it is to just do it. Even if the rewards far exceed the small effort it took physically.

So for the last two years I have prayed, I have tried to work through that devil that tells me I'm not good enough. Right now or I'll say the last few months I have wanted to break the cycle. I want to wipe my slate clean and redo most aspects of my life. I want to redecorate my house, I want to improve the amount of fun I have with my kids, I want to free my passions and instead of sitting around I want to scrapbook and to sew, yes sew. I want to see a change in the pictures I take and the scrapbook pages I create. I want, no need to get our family story down on paper for future generations. I want to get moving.

It takes more energy to be extraverted than introverted but I need to be the person I was a long, long time ago, she pops up occasionally and I find myself happier when she comes out, but she also tires me out because I'm not used to expending that much energy.

About a month ago one of the many blogs I read was starting a online book group based on the book "the Artists Way" by Julia Cameron. Well the book arrived yesterday and I started to read it. This book has been used for more than 20 years and has helped heal or open up artists from all walks of life, a creative workshop. What surprised me was that it is a faith based book. There are ten basic principals, one of my favorites is number five, Creativity is God's gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift to God.

So beginning this weekend I will begin to discover and rediscover my creative self.

Along with this book I have also picked up Randy Pauschs' book the Last Lecture. For more info about either the author or the book just google it.

I watched the interview and heard all the reviews on how this college professor, in the last act of his life has changed or touched so many others. I cried when I heard of his death and the three small children he left behind. I look to the legacy he has left for all of us. So this is another book that I hear will really speak to me. Fall is a season of change( and my favorite time of year) and this fall I want to change. Life is too short to be filled with woulda, coulda, shouldas. I want myself and my kids to see or say WE DID.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ah Carrie, what is that old saying "we lead by example" I would also like to see the creative side of you show itself...for many of you..did you know that Carrie once started a book? My daughter is a very talented young lady with so much inside of her just waiting to spill out, relax and let it show daughter. I can tell you from watching and asking advice from Ester(author/playwrite) that not all your attempts will succeed, but to have the courage to go forth is in itself a gift, even if only your family and children read the books, that is a victory. I want to see that young girl re-emerge, the one with all the dreams. You can't know whether you can attain them if you don't whether you write, scrapbook, take pictures these are a legacy to show your family, especially your children that no matter what, you have to try.
You once said that you were surprised that I had skydived, I had always wanted to do it, and when given the chance to do...or sit back and say maybe some other time...well I took the chance, and to be up there was something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Life is for living and I intend to do just question back at many people do you know that can say that their mother went skydiving?

Reach for the stars daughter, they are there waiting for you...