Monday, October 28, 2013
Nothing is going to change, lol
I want to record my thoughts and kids' milestones.
I want to grow and this blog will be my evidence and memory of that happening.
As of today, I'm on week 7 of Experiencing God. Oh my goodness, so much information and I see where in my pain I have missed opportunities. I have been shown how in my self centeredness, I have missed God's voice because it wasn't how I
That needs to stop NOW.
In my ignorance, unbelief, stubbornness, fear, I have missed out. Yet, in times when I was shaking in nervousness and fear it has almost always worked out.
Every Sunday one of the home church leaders gives the benediction. Rob usually does this and does it well, but this weekend he was camping with Wyatt. I was going to have to step up. EEK!
Sunday morning the boys got home in time to shower and head with us girls to church. On the way there Rob tells me that I'm still going to have to go up and pray. I was OK with it but as the service went on that nervous feeling stole over me. I leaned over to Rob and begged him to do it instead. He said no, but he would stand beside me. Our worship team started to play Casting Crowns Voice of Truth . It was just what I needed to hear. I went up and prayed. I find it funny how I can stand before a crowd of strangers and talk, but when I'm in front of people who claim to love and care about me I freeze.
It is something I wonder about and I think I will journal about it. I will ask and get an answer.
With all of these new revelations going on for me, I have picked up where I left off in my retreat planning. This time instead of me trying to figure things out, I'm looking, listening and waiting for those moments that guide you on your path. I've come to realize that when I do it this way instead of trying to force my will, things work out and are that much sweeter and memorable.
These two photos were taken by Kelly when her girl scout troop went to the Tucson Botanical Gardens. In all my 20yrs of living in Tucson I have never been here, so I couldn't pass the opportunity to get some photos. I gave Kelly my Rebel XT and told her to shoot whatever caught her eye. Among some of my favorite shots were some of the butterflies and a couple of what I like to call, "quiet spots".
One day, whether in my own back yard or my dream of having a retreat center I want lots of quiet spots. I look out across my dust bowl back yard and dream of what could be if my dogs would stop eating and destroying everything.
Anyway, I hope to document more of the goings on and share others that teach and inspire me.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
It was an awesome day, the weather has cooled a bit and I think this made the animals a little more frisky.
This picture reminds me of how I was about 45 minutes ago. I have just finished my interview to be a volunteer co leader for Chelsea's daisy troop and will receive my volunteer approval tomorrow.
I haven't had an interview in 6 years.
I was such a dork. I don't mean that in a bad way at all. I am not an "all business" type of person. I'm a personable person, laid back and I have a real hard time tooting my own horn. So when it comes to answering the "official" questions, my brain just freezes. I told my interviewer that it would be easier for others to describe my leadership qualities than for me too.
I have been really lucky with the people I've worked with or I'm great at blocking out the annoying people I've worked with, lol. I have been able to maintain several friendships over the years and I think that speaks more than anything else.
I didn't prepare myself for my GS interview. I've been involved in scouts since Kelly was five, I felt this was just a little detail to be taken care of and really didn't dwell on what the questions could be.
I think I handled the questions well and my interviewer was easy to talk to.
I've learned that being my true, authentic self is so much better than putting up a front. I wish more people would embrace it.
My feelings right now is that there is a growing movement to empower women, not in a feminist way, which does have its place, but a movement for women to empower themselves. To learn about their true beauty and personal strengths, women supporting each other instead of tearing each other down. I am a part of this movement, I want my daughters to grow in this movement.
Wow, this was not how I mentally planned this post to go, I was just gonna kvetch that I had my interview, I'm approved and while I felt like I was a dork, I'm happy and excited about our future daisies.
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
The last couple of weeks have truly been eye opening. As I've mentioned in my last post I'm working through the Experiencing God workbook.
I have seen 3 prayers answered so far and it all culminated last Saturday.
At the end of September was our renewal for Girl Scouts and we didn't have the money to renew plus buy uniforms. I was going to put the renew fees on a credit card and piece out uniforms. This is when I asked God if he wanted us to be in scouts or was I just trying to push it through. I talked to my friend Annette about what my plans were and since she has been in scouts forever maybe she would have some tips.
Instead she answered prayers.
Her girls are no longer in scouts and she has troop funds that need to be used, so she picked me up and we went down to the girl scout office. I filled out registration forms while she and the store clerk went to pick out the things that the girls would need. I had full intention of putting the registration on the card but Annette vetoed that. I am so grateful for her, she has such a heart.
Still, there was a voice in the back of my head that wondered if I was suppose to do scouts this year.
The new Daisy leader and I had our first troop meeting and Chelsea ended up being the only girl there, we still hadn't completed our training or had gotten a troop number yet so I wasn't completely bothered, but that voice whispered again.
One of my home church prayers a couple of weeks ago was to see where God was at work so that I can join him.
This past weekend was also a prayer retreat with the Cepins, a couple that I admire, at the monastery, with the peacocks, lol. Since my concept of the retreat last year, I've wanted to talk with Patti and when I heard of the prayer retreat I was surprised that I wasn't feeling led to go and we also didn't have the extra $$ either. I wondered but let it go.
Anyway, last Saturday ended up being my training for girl scouts and some strange events occurred which really led me to see God at work.
I picked up the leader and we swung by Starbucks to get a coffee. We order and I hear a, Hi Carrie. I look over and see my friend Treasure who is about to head off to her women's study. Then I hear another, Hi Carrie and its Danell who used to go to our church but now my kids go to the same school as her kids.
Ok, we are walking out and talking about how odd it is for me to see people I know at 8:30 in the morning. As we drove out of the parking lot I said, and I know that lady from church, her mother is in my home church (Sheila heading into Curves).
We get to the GS office and our trainer was Kelly's daisy troop leader, Ellen and a former co worker of mine. We get to talking, she is now an artist and catches me up on what she has been doing. I proceed to tell her about my retreat idea and brave girls club, art retreat. (Here's the good part) She tells me that she has a friend who is working on the same retreat concept based off brave girls and she is about 40 steps ahead of me, has a five year plan, has a logo, yada yada. Anyway she gives me the ladies name and it is someone who I'm acquainted with but not close to. Ellen thinks we would be a great fit together and I agree and Ellen is going to give her my info.
One of the things that I've thought about lately is that I can't do the retreat thing alone and I'm gong to have to collaborate with people. Now here is someone I respect and I might be able to work with to accomplish what I feel God has led me to do.
I think me seeing those 3 people I know, was Gods way of getting my attention and opening up to receive this information. I don't feel scared or analytical just positive and open.
After I calmed down a little I realized that I had seen three prayers answered.
1 I have seen that I'm meant to be in girls scouts this year
2. God has shown me where he was at work
3. and why I was not meant to go on the prayer retreat
To put a cherry on top, this morning I emailed the lady and we shall see where this takes me.