Tuesday, December 31, 2013
I am so looking forward to 2014.
I haven't been in the Christmas spirit at all this December and I plan on taking my tree down tomorrow. It really has been a humbug type of year.
I've been reflecting on what has transpired in 2013 and I must say it has been a roller coaster and I'm not entirely proud of how I've reacted.
I think I have spent most of the year feeling like I have come up short in every aspect. Wife, definitely mom, crafter and blogger. I have continued to beat myself up and measure myself against everyone else. It has made me depressed, tired and overall not the person I want to be.
I realize that I am very hard on myself and that is one aspect that I desperately need to correct. I expect perfection on my first try.
My plan was to make gifts for almost everyone and then I didn't. Fear was my issue. Last minute I made a lighthouse for my mom from one I had seen on Pinterest. It was looking good until I got fidgety and the painters tape pulled off spots of paint. I expected perfection with my tape lines knowing full well that, that wasn't going to happen and I should be OK with it and I wasn't.
I haven't been doing any art journaling, scrapbooking or card making. I've barely touched my camera.
All I have done is hoard ideas and dream.
This year I have to make some changes. I'm going to make things that I want to make and then I'm going to give them away. I'm making things that I think others would appreciate.
As I reflect I'm learning quite a bit about my fears and most of them are unfounded. I know I can't grow if I'm living in fear.
Quite a few things have come out of this year. One, I should be starting to work for TUSD in Jan/Feb as a substitute monitor at the kids' school. Hey, it gets my foot in the door and I'm excited about that.
Two, I've lived in Arizona for 20 years this year and this is the first time I've owned an Arizona t-shirt. I asked my sister in law to get us all U of A shirts for Christmas. Heck, its Rob's Alma mater, LOL. So now when we go to a hockey game, or the Cats beat the Sun Devils we can show our school spirit.
Three, I have friends that truly care about me and continue to be there even when I was a total shit.
Surely the year hasn't been all that horrible. I have been remarkably blessed in so many ways this year. I have lost weight, cultivated relationships, I've created and inspired others to create.
I truly need to reflect a little more about how 2013 went.
On Sunday our Pastor posted this question and offered us the opportunity to testify,
How has God worked on your life this year?
This has been a tumultuous year for me and God. I've cried, yelled, begged and challenged Him whenever I felt he HAD to do something. All throughout my daily journaling and quiet time there is peppering of prayers for others but so much dissatisfaction from me and my life. I kept trying to figure out God so that I could make things happen. And in the end it has actually brought me closer to Him. I finally learned to stop looking at what I want, to what does God want, where is God working and how I can join Him. I've concentrated prayer more on others than myself. Life has been remarkably better for it and I see God working and I'm joining Him.
So goodbye 2013, may next year keep me motivated and present.