Thursday, January 26, 2017

Rough patch

I'm feeling lost and frustrated today. I have stressed out my back just enough that I can only do limited exercises. I so fear my back going out completely, that was utter hell that I don't want a repeat performance. My weight hit 223.2 this morning, the same weight I was at in October of 2016 when I started my new job. Gosh, I'm beating myself up. I know your weight fluctuates daily but I should be losing, not slowly gaining. I know that I need to calm the F***k down, but if only I understood what was going on and what do I need to do to change.
I keep telling myself that this is a plateau and eventually I'll bust through it, but mentally it is so hard. Can I truly love myself at this number, this size? I would like to think so but knowing that I'm so so close, the feeling of failure sits on my shoulder like a bad tattoo.
So while I'm not giving up or giving in, I am having a mini pity party today.

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