Thursday, January 12, 2017


I know in my heart that I won't be making my 215 weight goal by 1/16/17. I can't say that I've sabotaged myself but injury and my last two evening meals haven't helped. I'm told I beat myself up way too much over my weight. I'm just truly afraid that this is where I'm going to stand, and for me that's not acceptable. I'm sooo close to where I want to be. I want to finish what I've started, I can obviously maintain, but do I have what it takes to get me through to the finish line?
When I started this journey to health I took my plan and yearning straight to God. I asked him to walk with me and lift me up when I struggled or became stagnant. I feel that I've lost that lately. I think about inner voices and will power more and more lately and how it affects daily choices. (I can say that when two dozen donuts were placed on the table next to me at work, I didn't have one, and when someone brought in a bunch of beautiful oranges I snagged one up real quick. A few of the ladies at work are going to do a diet bet for the next 90 days, here's to hoping that it brings great results for them and less crap around here.)

On my lunch today I feel the strong urge to come to Him. I know there are a variety of factors why I've added a couple of pounds, just as I know they will come back down, but its my morale and mind set that makes me think sabotage. What do I need to work on or work through to get myself charging forward?
I screen shot this from Instagram a couple of weeks ago, as I was looking through for a photo to add to this post this one popped up. I have probably been feeling this way for a while now or maybe deep down I knew I was going to need this. I just pray to hang on.
Please don't get me wrong. If I stay this weight, its not the end of the world, I'm not a loser, my body is amazing and beautiful, my body is so much stronger. There will be a time where the occasional donut isn't going to be a big deal, like there is now, I'm just trying to finish what I've started. Believe me, I do not deprive myself of treats, they're just usually low carb, or in moderation, and I don't go as crazy as I once did.
Sadly, I'm having trouble really conveying what I'm trying to say. I think about both sides of weight loss, body image, moderation, loving myself and even though it may sound like I'm bagging on myself there is the other side that quietly pipes up and says why? is this really a bad thing? does it really matter? does it define who I am? does it make me happy? is it hurting me in the long run?

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