pity party for one please

good Monday!!

Ya know, I check everyones blogs almost everyday but I have been failing to update my own and it's at the top of my list!

So I wrangled the kids and took a couple of photos before I was ready to strangle them, uploaded and started to blog.

Can I just say that we have hit that point in young Kelly's life where I am ready to trade her in for another model. The back talk, the looks, the NOT LISTENING, I've had enough. As I write this Kelly is in time out because she ran her scooter into her brother and spilled all his candies. Now, yes she apologized but it was the evil grin that went along that apology that got her into hot water.

I do not know how to deal with stubborn children. I am learning real fast that I'm becoming a control freak because I seem to nag, nag , nag all the time. It took me more than 30 minutes to get Wyatt to pick up the crayons he dumped on the floor. He flat out refused and cried, yelling no over and over.

Let's just leave it there.

This past week and even the birthday party that Kelly attended Sunday are frought with stubborness, fights and tears from all three of us. I feel like I have lost all control over my holigans, but the funny thing is how everyone (outside of family) compliments about how "good" they are. Granted most of this is only at home, but dang it when I say no I don't expect you to sneak and get it anyway, and then when I catch you hide it and smile at me. I'm not stupid.

So that is part of my problem lately, compound that with finances and Christmas coming I'm strung out. I never thought I was a jealous person until I couldn't do my own "thing" but other stay at home moms could. Yes I could go back to work, but God told me to quit work and everything would be okay. So I ask myself, "am I asking too much? This is hard for me to type out because in my head all these thoughts and counter talks (pros and cons) and trying to look at it from all angles keep swirling around. I pray about it daily but so far all is quiet so I am sitting in my pain.

I'm stopping.

I could keep going and part of me wants to but- so that in a month or even a year I can come back and see where I was struggling and be true to myself. This is my blog and if I'm having a shitty month and want to burp it all up that's my choice. Am I genuinely happy for my friends who are doing well. sincerely YES. Am I looking for ways to make things better YES. It jsut feels that right now I am being made to question my faith. Lots of little things keep throwing me curve balls and I like the straight path.

I really am stopping.

Thank you and love you Carrie