Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019!

 I thought 2018 was going to be my year. Amazing changes and dreams realized.
 I was going to build my dream studio, we were going to finally landscape the back yard and have our own "oasis". I had planned to have Kelly's sweet 16 party in our backyard. I prayed and asked God to make my plans his plans. I was using Proverbs 16:3. As we built the shed I put prayers on a wall studs on each side and a quote on creativity under that.

The year started out with some much promise, by April I was in tears. Plans changed, then changed again. Compromise and heartbreak. My shed went from 16x16 to 12x16. Believe me its a big enough difference, and then I ran out of money to finish. I cried, I prayed. It's still not finished. It's still raw to talk about. I'm trying not to cry as I type this.
I blame myself and I have continued to punish myself for it.
I have gained 20+ lbs this past year. I've learned that I'm an emotional eater and that I'm not as strong mentally as I believed. I let people into my head and that really messed me up. I made excuses instead of getting mad, figuring things out and pushing through.
I started reading self help books and yes, they helped get some of my groove back.
More curve balls came.
I found out around August that my brother has stomach cancer, stage 3 and they're giving him 50% survival rate. The financial burden has been horrendous strain on his family and my mom. In November we got more bad news about another family member that I can't discuss.
This feeling of having no control has made me an emotional mess.
As I type this I can feel the desire to learn from the horrible year that was 2018, actually its been on my mind since the day after Christmas because I want to release all the negativity, I want to build myself stronger, grow closer to God and I want to move forward.
This year, no resolutions.
I plan to take each day with praise, grace and hope. I plan to make small changes that will benefit me and mine but no resolutions.
My journey, which I choose to accept, is my great big adventure. I only get one shot at life and damn do I want it to be a good one. I am learning and exploring. Sounds vague, I know, but I plan to go into deeper details later.
May 2019 be filled with redemption, healing and to thrive.
Oh, I think I just found my word for 2019. THRIVE.

(PS- photo of shed taken in July 2018)
  *Carrie*